Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
