She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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