dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
