Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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