Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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