just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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