my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
