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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
