Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
