he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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