My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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