No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
