He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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