this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
