In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
