You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
