Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
