the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
