youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
