Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's official drugs can't kill me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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