Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Panties = found
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
