Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
