I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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