there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
