she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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