If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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