why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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