Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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