I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
