Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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