i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
