I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
