Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
