I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
