Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
