The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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