Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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