now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
