This is not my ceiling
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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