Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
