Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
