dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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