I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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