I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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