You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
