I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
