if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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