Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Two words: blizzard sex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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