i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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