Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
