I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
