it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
should my penis look like a turkey
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
