I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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