You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I forget how to act sober
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
